"A Man," how to be or how not to be

Ah! What is the significance of being "a man"? What does it mean?


I'll admit that it's a question that I often ask myself--not on the nature of my gender or course, of which I have no doubt, but anyone with a shred of social consciousness is aware of the changing tides of the definition of "man" (and of course also "woman," but that's another post waiting to happen) although the discussion so often degenerates into a pithless debate on tumultuous gender roles and talks on the "feminization" of the male sex. 


Of course, all paradigms are culturally evolutionary--and I mean this metaphorically and to poeticize the action of things building upon themselves, and not (as some would argue) to place any sort of validity upon these roles due to genetics, evolutionary biology, or "natural law."  Regardless, I feel the concept stands. Paradigms evolve. They do. They are fluid, organic, and they act and react and swing back and forth and solidify and weaken. Etc. So rest some of your concern, dear Millennials. The 80's "masculinity" was far different from the 50's "manhood." Things change and will always change. 


Now on that, any dolt with half a brain and a scrotum can feign masculinity--at least at its base, primordial sense. And what is this? Difficult to pin down, but at its rawest and most unleashed capacity, it is merely insatiable appetite: eat everything you see, kill everything you see, screw everything you see. Protect only yourself...meaning both the body and the primitive, territorial extensions (i.e. wife, house, etc), and ignore the rest. Oh and of course we could distract ourselves towards topics of different archetypes like of the self-made man, or the strong-and-silent man, or the strong-but-sensitive man...but I digress. 


But the Modern Man? The Man of the present. Who is he? What is he?
Is he necessarily chic or well groomed? He is socially liberal? Environmentally conscious? A feminist? LGBT activist? Or is he the opposite of those? Or does it ever matter? 


There was such a hype to the metrosexual rise (which is incredibly misunderstood) and its subsequent backlash--which I would give to label as some of the roots of the hipster movement: thrift store shopping, folk music, smoking, beards, etc; far from the flâneur typique that had become the more mainstreamed man. We have now men in reaction: men who seethe at the talk of metros (or worse, homos) and believe that being a man means smoking cigars, not shaving your chest, and going to strip clubs. One can devolve further to the most extremists levels of men who believe that "manhood"  consists of pointless aggression, chauvinism (if not misogyny), and laughing at their own farts. 


I present to argue that that none of these at either spectrum should or could encapsulate what it means to truly be a "man."


Now, first off it must be established that when I talk of the "man," I am talking in fact of the ideal--of the standard and bar--and not (fortunately) on the current state of manhood or the masculine gender.  


For me, I believe the real meaning of what it means to be "a man," is not so much "man" from the direction of gender, but more so a "man" from the angle of maturity--something that is truly in danger of modernity. And so the debate should not really be man vs. woman (or rather, masculine man vs. feminine man), but more importantly, man vs. boy (or rather, mature man vs. immature man). What is a man? Not a boy. 


The generation of the present and the generations to come are indeed in danger and also aware of this, at least subconsciously. There is a decline in manhood. And no, this has absolutely no ridiculous correlation with the number of men buying patent leather shoes or actually combing their hair. This has to do with the the trends of modernity leaning towards flashiness, instant possession, instant satisfaction, a lack of attention, a lack of integrity, etc. Our men are not in danger of becoming women. They are in danger of never becoming men in the first place. 


This is of course an element that has always been present in human culture, an immaturity of sorts, but now more  especially, our culture fosters a state of perpetual infancy and immaturity. The way we act, react, and interact is often infantile. Becoming a man in the present day is much more difficult than before (or so I believe) because growth is so evitable. Like a child behind our mothers, we can peer out on the world infinitely and indefinitely from behind the screens of our televisions and computers: voiceless voyeurs. When we do act, we can do so under the guise of anonymity. We are no longer humans but digital avatars, complete with an uploaded photo and a username (if even). The face-to-face contact plummets, and so rise the new tendencies of internet debates, cyber-bulling, facebook stalking, trolling, etc. With the click of a button or the swipe of a card, we can instantly receive food, clothes, cars, or even houses. The rise of television and internet has all but shot our attention spans, and again like children we browse aimlessly through web pages and television shows until something can manage to entertain us.  Something. Entertain us. Where we become the passive agent; the squabbling babe flailing for attention. 


Now, to simply attribute this to the rise of technology is naively misleading and over-simplistic, as there are many other realms this is acting in. There is the increasing drug usage among all, which, argue as you may, is nothing more than escapist tendencies: a quick fixing flee from the inability of enduring or improving reality, like a young boy running from whatever is insurmountable. Replace "drugs" with any sort of escapist addiction. 


Mass-audience music is degenerating as well. Note that this is not simply "modern music," as there are many brilliant music artist producing things today. No, I speak of the difficult and distasteful topic of sleazy radio-hits and their identicals, which so often promote lifestyles of perpetual sex and perpetual parties. Fantastical imaginings of the impossible. Is it really any different than the childhood euphoria at the idea of no more school and everything made of chocolate?  


Think of our politicians if you can, and of the embarrassing tantrums that are becoming increasingly popular; how compromise has become almost a curse word in the realm of politics, and how to be negotiable means to somehow be perceived as weak and spineless. They yell and point fingers and stomp their feet. Often now I look at the news and think, 'Why, there is no man in the seat of the Senate. That is a boy. A child.'  An indeed they are. They are children who do not know how to communicate, do not know how to compromise, and who are vain, proud, and fearful. 


Added to this there our culture's obsession with creams, lotions, and surgeries that promise us the fountain of youth. It would be a lie to pretend that this is a sole preoccupation of women, as men are equally inclined to lean towards youth (and the fashion trend of hairless men, could that be seen as a drive to the prepubescent?)


Where are the men? To the right, to the left: all I see is boys, boys. 


Surely in them modern realm, to be a man is to be something beyond which society expects and prepares us for. To be a man is to transcend what is given us. To be a man means to possess a capacity of conscious and controllable action; to be able weigh and measure one thing against another critically. One must be capable of self-control, and abstain in all necessary predicaments. To hold back from the allure of fast-food, fast-pleasure, fast-entertainment, and fast-money. They must be able to endure the world and not flee from it (via drugs, music, etc).  To be a man one must have an urge for self-improvement, and building upon their past character; they must have a integrity of work and action, and expect nothing that they have not earned completely. And then, to be a man and to stay a man, one must be and stay adaptable; malleable. The world is changing, and we must change with it. To not change is to be stagnant, and to not grow means to become a relic of sorts. And to not mature with the world is to be, for all intensive purposes, immature. 


So be debonair. Or be blasé. Manscape. Or don't. It doesn't matter. But be a man. Not a child.